2012

2012 was a lousy year. I tried to remain optimistic to the very end, but let's face it, I had kind of a crappy year. I don't remember the first part, mostly because I was trying to wake up from the hibernation of a very long, dark winter. Then I struggled through the summer with a major depressive episode. Then when things started to look up and I started to feel more like a human being, I got sick. Very sick. And then things came crashing down again and I've barely been functioning the last month.

I've decided that after being on the prednisone 6 weeks longer than intended and suffering through the side effects, I was done. I'm 10 days away from being completely weaned off it. Unfortunately, the mastitis is back in full force. So I'm basically living in pain right now. Today was especially bad as my left arm ached all day in addition to the lump. I'm hoping that once it stops growing, maybe it won't hurt (I think the pain is from inflamed tissue, not the lump) and maybe I'll just learn to live with it. Maybe I'll give it a name. Otherwise, it's off to the rheumatologist I go.

The house is a huge wreck. I'm reminded in the book Cold Sassy Tree when Miss Love tells Will Tweedy that when a woman gets sick, her house get sick too. Sexism aside (it is supposed to be 1906), it became true in our house too. When I got depressed and started to hurt physically too, I stopped doing the housework. I spent most of today trying to fix a little of that, doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen, but it was very much doing a task and rewarding myself by reading a few more chapters of the new JK Rowling book. And I petered out around early afternoon. I suck.

I met only one of my goals this year. I got more of the house decorated, but it's far from done. I didn't lose weight, but at least I didn't gain a ton either. I found out that I'm insulin resistant, meaning that losing weight is going to be difficult even if I exercised all the time. Being on medication for a quarter of the year that left me hungry and energy-less really didn't help. Hopefully the metformin will help with the insulin resistant. But I did start a garden and did pretty well until the aphids set in.

I'm hoping that 2013 will be a good year. I'm trying to plan a trip to visit my bff in Vietnam and Singapore, and this year we're taking the kids to Disneyland. Yay! 

My goals for the next few months:

Lose as much weight as I can

Go through my clothes and get rid of stuff

Start building a functioning wardrobe (you know that I don't even own a pair of jeans right now?)

Sew some new stuff for me