Remind me not to play Russian Roulette

So today was the ultrasound for the lump on my breast. It had stopped hurting and had gone down to about the quarter of size it was on Tuesday. I was just hoping that it was a cyst and it was going away, or would go away with aspiration. I got to my appointment without any panicking and checked in with a very sweet, very old, very incompetent receptionist. After checking, I was lead into a changing room, told to take off my top clothing and put on a gown that thankfully wrapped around the front and then led into another waiting room.

The ultrasound tech came pretty quickly to collect me and I went into the ultrasound room. She had me take off the gown, lie on a triangular piece of foam so I was lying kind of an angle. The last ultrasound that I had was to see what sex Alana was, but the procedure was exactly the same. It hurt a little as she pushed the transducer around, but for the most part, I wasn't too worried until she frowned and told me she had to get the radiologist. Another woman came in and pushed the transducer in even harder, asking me how long it'd been hurting, when I'd noticed the lump, when I'd had my last period. I answered them and said that the doctor I'd seen on Tuesday thought it was a breast cyst. She looked at me and said, "Well, it's not a cyst." She explained that they could see irregularities in the lump and that they would have to do a mammogram and a biopsy.

I got dressed and went back to the waiting room. The nurse collected me and off I went to the mammography room. It was the most painful thing I've ever done. Then I went back to the waiting room and was collected by the LPN who kindly sat down with me and explained how the biopsy was going to work, what to expect during and afterwards. She also told me the chances of it coming back abnormal was only about 20%. I went back to the waiting room and waited a little bit because they were trying to contact the insurance company to get a prior authorization for the biopsy.

After the insurance was taken care of, the ultrasound tech and radiologist came and we all went back to the ultrasound room. They ultrasound the area, drew an outline around the transducer where it was clearest. They also ultrasound my lymph nodes in my arm pit. The radiologist noted that my lymph nodes were a bit swollen and if the biopsy came back abnormal, they might come back to biopsy a lymph node. The radiologist told me the painful part would be the needle for the local (LIES), which didn't really hurt at all. Unfortunately, they had to go under my nipple with the biopsy needle and the radiologist told me that since I'm still young, the breast tissue was really dense to go through. The anesthetic didn't spread far enough, and the biopsy needle hurt like a MOTHER. She also injected a minuscule piece of metal into the lump so that later mammograms would pay more attention to that area or if they have to remove the lump later, an x-ray will be able to pick it up. Afterwards, the poor ultrasound tech had to push down on my boob for 10 minutes to make sure I'd stopped bleeding. I had to have another mammogram after that to make sure that the metal insert had gone in correctly.

I went home after that, with a little bit of throbbing but nothing too bad. I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy or exert myself too much in case the needle location starts bleeding again. Unfortunately, whatever anesthetic they gave me wore off when I was in the grocery store, so I was kind of hunched over in pain checking out. I'm just on Tylenol because anything with aspirin has blood thinners. The result will come back on Tuesday.

I know that there's only a 1 in 5 chance that it will come back abnormal, but I'm not really liking even those odds. It was quite unusual that I would have a breast lump this young to begin with, and REALLY unusual that it would be anything other than a cyst. With these odds, maybe I should go to Vegas.

Today I:

Got stabbed in my breast. How would you put it?